Posted: 16 Jul 2012 10:45 PM PDT
I should really learn not to blog in the heat of the moment of whatever spazzy emotion I'm feeling. Normally, it takes me A LOT to get down right friggin mad and pissed off in an instant. Sure I'm annoyed plenty, but furiously mad? Not often.
A few things have happened in the last 48 hours that have pissed me off, annoyed me, and also in the same breath, made me recognize a few positive things. Always a silver lining right? RIGHT!???
Ugh. I broke up with him on Sunday, after our third date. Most epic fail so far. Nerves can not be blamed for this one. Ready?......
A little history. He's been living in Thailand and Japan for the last 15 years. The culture there is slightly different than our when it comes to PDA's, not to mention him being a foreigner. Now he's back in Canada and not adjusting well to this culture again. Bullshit...
First & second dates, were okay. Good times, but nothing stellar. Third date, he pushes our date back to 10pm. Our original time was 7pm. I'm not feeling well, and we agree to watch a movie and snuggle on the couch.
His fails in one night:
*He normally gives me a good hug. I have issues with people not committing to a hug. Commit 100% or don't hug at all. Upon arrival, he leans in and give me a pat on the back.
*Snuggles which he has failed to bring several times now, although claimed to be bringing them!
*Sits on the opposite couch but suggests we watch porn. Umm ya not happening dude.
*At one point he thought the roommate had come home. Picked up his stuff and announced he was going to go home. WTF! We're adults. He's going to be here from time to time, when you are too. Grow up!
*We went to grab some midnight snack food, I bumped into him a few times to see if he'd take my hand. Nope. He walked 1/2 a foot in front of me at all times.
I will put up with a lot of shit, but if you can't man up, and take the lead, you'll be wearing my foot print. This was my biggest concern with the b/f from the beginning. I'm a strong, independent force to be dealt with. I have many layers to my onion. If you can handle them all... I'll give you my heart.
It's clear after only 2.5 dates, he can not. He's been dating shy, quite, demure women who don't like to kiss, or hold hands etc. I'm the fucking polar opposite of that. He knows this about me.
I call him Sunday, to explain that while I was open to this developing into a romance, I'm not willing to if he's not going to show me affection, or take the lead etc. We chatted tonight, he offered his excuses. That he leaves for the UK next weekend (which I knew) and didn't want to develop strong feelings yet, as he'll be away for 2 months, and would miss me etc, but wants to pick it up for real when he returns. I told him I thought his reason was bullshit, and that he just wanted to keep me on the hook.
I might be dating someone else by then. Play it by ear later. If we explore this again, he'll need to bring his A Game. We communicate amazingly well via emails, phone and text. In person... not so much. Well I do, he doesn't. He knows exactly what I need from him. So the fact he still can't or won't bring it to the table, bullshit. I'm over it.
Pissed me off royally tonight. I have military friends in town this weekend. They offered to give the roommate a private tour of the ship. Which is better than a public cos you get to see things you normally wouldn't. He was super excited. Talked about it all weekend.
Today..... he says if he's not home by a certain hour, cos it will be too late to go out etc, as we both get up at a stupid hour etc. Agreed. BUT.. BUT! He came home at a early time, showered, GROOMED, and left the house at 9pm. We'd already be on our way back at 9pm.
It pisses me off that I asked my friends to reschedule their night in town, to stay close to the ship, only to friggin bail. They don't have to do these tours for us. I've been on the ships a thousand times, however I was excited for him as he's never been on a ship, let alone a base. I look like a friggin asshole to my friends, and so disappointed by the roommate. We've been getting along famously lately.
I thought at this age, people would be above pulling this teenage shit. Seriously, gave up a personal tour to get laid? You can get laid any time! Next time they are in town (in 3 weeks), I'll make a point of announcing that I'm going to the ships to hang out, and not invite him. You can fucking walk on eggshells for the next little bit. Shit like that sends me over the deep end immediately.
Soooo with all this going on in my head, I'm a little emotionally heightened.
Enter The Douche
He always knows when I'm upset. He texted me tonight. I started venting. lol.
What? You want to be friends from afar, then this is part of your role! To be an unbias ear for me. I had totally expected him to disrespect his vows, in about a year from now. Not 3 weeks ago. I put him in his fucking place. I think he was a little shocked how strongly I felt about the fact he took vows. You took them, then you can fucking honour them!!! Pull that shit again and I'll go to your wife and give her all the shit I have on you. We clear? He hasn't uttered an inappropriate word since then. :) ALthough has made the effort to be a friend from afar.
So there you have it ladies and gents. My last 48 hours.
With that said, I did say there was a silver lining didn't I? Having explored the idea of dating a friend after him pursuing me for the last 20 something years, and having been hiking almost nightly with the roommate (surprisingly, we have a shit load in common).... I learned some things are quite important. Little things I never ran into before, cos they've always been there.
My men must like sports. Watch them and/or play them. Like camping, and being outside, getting sweaty in some way. Getting a little warm and fuzzy from time to time. Love music. Like to hold hands and kiss. Let's me be me, and pushes me out of my comfort zone without pushing to hard. Must know how to disfuse my temper when it gets the best of me, or when I get overly emotional over nothing. Not that it happens often, but when it does.... don't blow me off cos you can't be bothered, or think it's silly. Loves to laugh, and be equally dorky. Singing at the top of your lungs in the car no matter how bad you are. That kind of normal stuff couples do.
Be yourself. And be comfortable being yourself with me.
Isn't love suppose to be friendship on fire?
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