Just Saying...

Just Saying...

Small Update & Accutane Update

Posted: 21 Jan 2012 12:13 AM PST


I'm under a tremendous amount of stress these days. My face broke out two weeks ago and still hasn't healed. I have a derm apt this coming Tuesday to confirm I'm done. Maybe one more month, but gawd I hope not.  A proper update on the Accutane will follow soon.

**My face broke out.
Was it all for nothing? Or simply stress related?

**I can't find full time work that pays enough to pay my rent and bills WITHOUT a roommate.

**The roommate and I are not getting along at all.

He took a low blow tonight. I called him out on it, via text (don't judge us, it's easier this way). We're getting into the thick of things and he's decided that we no longer need to speak to each other, ever. He'll pay his rent and stay in his room. 

Okay, so not cool. I need us to be getting along and being civil with each other if you're living here. I can't have someone living in my home that hates me, and thinks being verbally abusive is funny.  Like I said, we're working on some details at the moment, but it's not looking good. We've even argued about the way I look for work. Apparently I'm a dumb-ass and should search the black hole in my head that I call a brain....I'm not allowed to be a bitch while under stress (yes I did a shitty thing to him 3 weeks ago) but he's allowed to be verbally abusive (he thinks it's funny to goat me) and hold a grudge.

I am never going to have a normal roommate situation am I? Sure all people living together have rough spots, but this went from 95% okay to -15 disgusted by my existence in a blink of an eye. At least it seems that way.  As I'm writing this, he's stopped replying to messages, but keeps sending his own. Sigh.

Until these last 3 weeks, I would praise him as a roommate. But having someone hate me in my home. It's a little steeper than I think I can manage right now. Three weeks ago, we were good. We were friends. Now.... Gaawwwd.  Once I'm employed again, we'll revisit how we get along. I can't be the only one making the effort to fix this.

**I'm lonely. 
I'm in desperate need of some male affection. not sex, just love and protection.

**I temped at a gaming company this past week.
Sooo mind numbingly dull. My ONLY responsibility was to answer the phones,and they only rang maybe 2 dozen times in 5 days. Although the staff more than made up for it. Besides, making some money while the time passes and looking for work is better than losing money while doing nothing.

**I've run away a million times with the "what ifs".
Over things that haven't happened yet. made myself vomit. :-( You can say, it will all work out, all you want, but what if it doesn't? Shouldn't I be preparing for that particular "what if?" I like to know where my next paycheck is coming from. The stability of routine in a 9-5 M-F job.  I don't have that, I'm left alone with my thoughts, and boredom. Not a good combination.

That's all I have for you right now. I have to go cry. Again. Oh my gawd, the crying. I handle stress a different way every time. I don't believe I can control how my body reacts. This time, it's crying and vomiting. Fun times I tell ya.